Before feedback: The real root of workplace conflict
Why do we clash with others, even when our intentions seem good? We often enter into conversations wanting to help or improve something, but we end up in disagreement.
I recently ran a workshop on giving difficult feedback at work. But something struck me after the session: “Before we even get to feedback, we need to understand where the misalignment came from.”
It reminded me of a powerful TED Talk by Aziz Abu Sarah, a Palestinian author and peacemaker. He said the root of most conflicts comes down to three things:
A lack of recognition
An unwillingness to understand someone’s story
No shared vision of the future
This rings true in the workplace too.
Too often, we rush into feedback mode — trying to fix a behaviour for their good — without first getting curious about what’s driving their actions or reactions.
The mindset shift?
🔁 From Judgment to CURIOSITY:
Instead of going into a conversation with: “How can I get them to see my perspective?”
👉 Try going into a conversation with this mindset:
“WHAT CAN I LEARN FROM THIS PERSON?”
That one question shifts everything. It invites empathy. It slows down our impulse to defend or persuade. And it opens the door to understanding, even if we still disagree. Yes, you don’t have to agree with them. But if you can understand where they’re coming from, that becomes the bridge.
Ultimately, it’s about connection. And connection start with curiosity, a willingness to listen, and recognition.